when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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