I just threw up on my dentist
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
