Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
