I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize