He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
