Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
