At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize