So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
