His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
