My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
