she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
