i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
