The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
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I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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