how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
