The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
