I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
