why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
