i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
