I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just want nice things and good sex
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
