i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
