I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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