He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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