So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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