Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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