The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
