so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
