It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize