He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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