he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
