you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
