I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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