just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
