Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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