When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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