Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
