**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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