On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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