Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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