Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
