Too much gin, very little bucket
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Let's paint friendship bongs
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
