Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
