I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
