So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
