Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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