I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
