I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
pop tarts are not kleenex
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
