i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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