my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
