I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
