things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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