Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize