so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
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I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
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We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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