Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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