Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
