i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
