I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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