I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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