It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
