A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
