I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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