I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
