So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
