he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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