I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
