and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
