I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
