Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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