I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize