I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
