Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
