i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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