you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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