my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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