he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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