I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
