So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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