I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
