Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
