he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
