Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
