hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
