you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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