I think my vagina is haunted
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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