I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
